New Directions in the New Year
We have stepped quickly into the second month of 2008, and the word from China has continued to dismay us. The dream of bringing Juliet Grace home seems dim, the memories of our excitement and anticipation echo in our thoughts. How do we reconcile this wait with our desire to grow our family? Do we turn our back on China and begin somewhere else? Do we enter the difficulty of domestic private adoption? Do we just wait?
For years we have had friends and family encourage us to explore domestic foster/adoption through the State of Texas. We have heard both success stories that inspire, and heartbreaking tales that bring us to tears. We have personally watched beloved friends begin two foster/adoptions that were prematurely terminated as the children were returned to their birth moms.
We recently attended an informational meeting about the potential of entering either an adoption program, or the “foster to adopt” program through Lutheran Social Services, who facilitates for families with CPS through the process. The meeting was sobering.
Having completed Farm Boy’s international adoption through a private agency, and having begun our wait for Juliet from China through another, we had grown accustomed to the sugar-coated version of adoption information. With both international adoptions, the pros were heavily emphasized, the cons minimized and “airbrushed” for ease of digestion. This meeting was the opposite of those two experiences. We were not being wooed, we were being warned. The list of potential “issues” that may accompany the foster/adoptive children into your home are frightening, and unspeakably sad. The very program is frightening, in that the parents of the children who enter your home have not yet had their parental rights terminated. And though the state and the agency believe that there is a very good chance that the rights will be terminated, there are no guarantees until this court ordered action is completed sometimes a year after the child enters into your home. We went with the express purpose of finding about adoption only, possibly of a sibling group of two or three children. Foster/adopt was not even on our minds. But the more we heard, the more both our hearts, simultaneously, were turned in this direction! The exclamation point denotes the rarity in which this phenomenon takes place in our home. I can hardly think of a time that both of us arrived at the same conclusion at the same time. Most frequently we play “wait and pray” as we decide about major life decisions. One of us feels strongly, the other does not. Occasionally we quickly get to the same point, sometimes we agree to disagree. But I cannot think of a single time (okay, other than starting our new church, but that’s another blog entry) when we have had such immediate agreement about something so foreign to our natures ~foreign because we are not by design emotional risk takers ~ foreign because we thrive on schedules and security and “sure things”.
What does foster/adopt mean for our family? It means that we hang our hearts out there, and hope we survive. It means that if we get a call from the agency, we bring this child, or these children in, and we love them, feed them, protect them, as if they were our own, but that we pray contrary to our natures. We are to pray that the birth parents get themselves together and reach the point that these children can return home. It means that we tell ourselves every single day for that year that we are shield and a defense for these children until we are told we can rest, and that if they are taken back, that we are to thank the Lord and to praise Him for allowing us to be there when He needed us.
Can we do this? NO! A thousand times, NO! Not in our own strength. Can we do this through the power of the Holy Spirit, trusting in the sovereignty of God, telling ourselves and believing it that if He does not want these children to remain always in our life, then we would not want them to stay? We think so. We have two beautiful children who are ours to keep. The wonder of that statement takes my breath away, when I think of the longings we have had over the years. We also have Juliet Grace, somewhere in our future, God-willing, our daughter in China, who may in two or three years make it into our arms, and into our hearts.
The new church is a different post, and that post will come, but let me tell you that the focus there is love. It is not doctrine, it is not denomination, it is not theological wrestling, it is LOVE. It is the goal of our instruction. It is the two greatest commandments. It is grown-up stuff, pouring yourself out like a drink offering for a Saviour who taught you how. So we bend our heads and ask Him for guidance as we begin to pursue this foster adoption journey.
One of our favorite songs is “May the Words of My Mouth” by Tim Hughes. It is a good reflection of our hearts in this matter. Go ahead, find it and download it. It’s wonderful. If I ever become a little technologically savvy, I’ll find a way to play it on the blog. The words follow:
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
We have stepped quickly into the second month of 2008, and the word from China has continued to dismay us. The dream of bringing Juliet Grace home seems dim, the memories of our excitement and anticipation echo in our thoughts. How do we reconcile this wait with our desire to grow our family? Do we turn our back on China and begin somewhere else? Do we enter the difficulty of domestic private adoption? Do we just wait?
For years we have had friends and family encourage us to explore domestic foster/adoption through the State of Texas. We have heard both success stories that inspire, and heartbreaking tales that bring us to tears. We have personally watched beloved friends begin two foster/adoptions that were prematurely terminated as the children were returned to their birth moms.
We recently attended an informational meeting about the potential of entering either an adoption program, or the “foster to adopt” program through Lutheran Social Services, who facilitates for families with CPS through the process. The meeting was sobering.
Having completed Farm Boy’s international adoption through a private agency, and having begun our wait for Juliet from China through another, we had grown accustomed to the sugar-coated version of adoption information. With both international adoptions, the pros were heavily emphasized, the cons minimized and “airbrushed” for ease of digestion. This meeting was the opposite of those two experiences. We were not being wooed, we were being warned. The list of potential “issues” that may accompany the foster/adoptive children into your home are frightening, and unspeakably sad. The very program is frightening, in that the parents of the children who enter your home have not yet had their parental rights terminated. And though the state and the agency believe that there is a very good chance that the rights will be terminated, there are no guarantees until this court ordered action is completed sometimes a year after the child enters into your home. We went with the express purpose of finding about adoption only, possibly of a sibling group of two or three children. Foster/adopt was not even on our minds. But the more we heard, the more both our hearts, simultaneously, were turned in this direction! The exclamation point denotes the rarity in which this phenomenon takes place in our home. I can hardly think of a time that both of us arrived at the same conclusion at the same time. Most frequently we play “wait and pray” as we decide about major life decisions. One of us feels strongly, the other does not. Occasionally we quickly get to the same point, sometimes we agree to disagree. But I cannot think of a single time (okay, other than starting our new church, but that’s another blog entry) when we have had such immediate agreement about something so foreign to our natures ~foreign because we are not by design emotional risk takers ~ foreign because we thrive on schedules and security and “sure things”.
What does foster/adopt mean for our family? It means that we hang our hearts out there, and hope we survive. It means that if we get a call from the agency, we bring this child, or these children in, and we love them, feed them, protect them, as if they were our own, but that we pray contrary to our natures. We are to pray that the birth parents get themselves together and reach the point that these children can return home. It means that we tell ourselves every single day for that year that we are shield and a defense for these children until we are told we can rest, and that if they are taken back, that we are to thank the Lord and to praise Him for allowing us to be there when He needed us.
Can we do this? NO! A thousand times, NO! Not in our own strength. Can we do this through the power of the Holy Spirit, trusting in the sovereignty of God, telling ourselves and believing it that if He does not want these children to remain always in our life, then we would not want them to stay? We think so. We have two beautiful children who are ours to keep. The wonder of that statement takes my breath away, when I think of the longings we have had over the years. We also have Juliet Grace, somewhere in our future, God-willing, our daughter in China, who may in two or three years make it into our arms, and into our hearts.
The new church is a different post, and that post will come, but let me tell you that the focus there is love. It is not doctrine, it is not denomination, it is not theological wrestling, it is LOVE. It is the goal of our instruction. It is the two greatest commandments. It is grown-up stuff, pouring yourself out like a drink offering for a Saviour who taught you how. So we bend our heads and ask Him for guidance as we begin to pursue this foster adoption journey.
One of our favorite songs is “May the Words of My Mouth” by Tim Hughes. It is a good reflection of our hearts in this matter. Go ahead, find it and download it. It’s wonderful. If I ever become a little technologically savvy, I’ll find a way to play it on the blog. The words follow:
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus
For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You
Lord, will You be my vision,
Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart
I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You
