Inward Parts
“My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” Psalm 45:1
Have you ever had a deep splinter, well beyond the reach of tweezers or even a needle? If you have, you probably experienced a slow movement from deep within, as that splinter, accompanied by swelling, infection, and considerable pain, was forcibly ejected to the surface by your faithful flesh. One day, behold, the splinter is within reach, and once removed, healing begins. A splinter, you see, is a foreign object. Our bodies have no internal receptacle for unwanted, unwelcome interlopers. Splinters are detrimental to our function, and therefore are disposed of tidily by our bodies.
Long ago, something very difficult happened to me. Since then, though forgiveness and restoration took place, I have carried in my heart terrible shame and sadness. I have struggled through the years to put it aside, to forget it, or to ignore it, to no avail. Shame became part of who I am. I truly thought that I would be free of it only in death.
One consideration was left out of this self-inflicted terminal prognosis. The heart, soul, and mind that were sick belong to the Great Physician!
Psalm 51 is David’s prayer of repentance after his adultery with Bathsheba and the subsequent murder of her husband Uriah. In the psalm, David declares to God, “Against You, You only, have I sinned,”. I have marveled more than once at this statement. He has sent a faithful servant/soldier to his death, implicated other soldiers in the murder, lead a woman into adultery, and sees his sin as inflicted only upon the Lord. My reckoning would have spread David’s guilt. John MacArthur states regarding the passage: “David realized what every believer seeking forgiveness must, that even though he had tragically wronged Bathsheba and Uriah, his ultimate crime was against God and His holy law." Hmmm.
Over the course of several remarkable days, I began to be bombarded with thoughts of my shame, and the need to be rid of it. In my weakness, I argued silently, and somewhat angrily that it was not worth addressing, that this was “between the Lord and me”. Surely others were not affected by it, as I did not allow it to impact my family, friends, and contacts. At one point I murmured David’s words (completely out of context, which I can be very good at!) to justify not dealing with getting my heart and head free of this emotional debris. Slowly, I began to grasp that the thing between David and God also stood between God & me. Sin. I didn’t need pity, I needed forgiveness.
The good news is…. The Good News! My savior died for me. He died that I might be reconciled to Him. He died to be the receptacle of the splinters of a fallen world that lodge in my flesh. “Cast your burden on Jesus, for He cares for you”. AMEN!
I was guilty of putting limitations on my God. I did not think it was worth His time to ask Him to help me fix this. I think that I didn’t think He could do it. I was guilty of minimizing His holiness. He has told me to “be Holy, for I am Holy.” Yet I did not repent of what was ultimately the sin of pride.
Psalm 51 has another, better revelation for me. In verse 6, David says of the Lord, “Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part you will make me to know wisdom.” Before Christ died, He said, “It is finished”. When we are sinned against, we must put aside any residual emotion that remains. Those emotions are nearly always for me, “the sin that so easily encumbers”. He died for the sin, and He died to grant freedom from the sin.
My shame was an outgrowth of a sinful, over-exaggerated opinion of myself. When last I looked, a slave of Christ doesn’t have a lot of time to spend getting upset over her perceived self-worth. I am grateful for this appointment with my Divine “Primary Care Physician”, and I pray that in the future, I will go more quickly to Him who heals and sets us free. Tweezers not required.
“My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” Psalm 45:1
Have you ever had a deep splinter, well beyond the reach of tweezers or even a needle? If you have, you probably experienced a slow movement from deep within, as that splinter, accompanied by swelling, infection, and considerable pain, was forcibly ejected to the surface by your faithful flesh. One day, behold, the splinter is within reach, and once removed, healing begins. A splinter, you see, is a foreign object. Our bodies have no internal receptacle for unwanted, unwelcome interlopers. Splinters are detrimental to our function, and therefore are disposed of tidily by our bodies.
Long ago, something very difficult happened to me. Since then, though forgiveness and restoration took place, I have carried in my heart terrible shame and sadness. I have struggled through the years to put it aside, to forget it, or to ignore it, to no avail. Shame became part of who I am. I truly thought that I would be free of it only in death.
One consideration was left out of this self-inflicted terminal prognosis. The heart, soul, and mind that were sick belong to the Great Physician!
Psalm 51 is David’s prayer of repentance after his adultery with Bathsheba and the subsequent murder of her husband Uriah. In the psalm, David declares to God, “Against You, You only, have I sinned,”. I have marveled more than once at this statement. He has sent a faithful servant/soldier to his death, implicated other soldiers in the murder, lead a woman into adultery, and sees his sin as inflicted only upon the Lord. My reckoning would have spread David’s guilt. John MacArthur states regarding the passage: “David realized what every believer seeking forgiveness must, that even though he had tragically wronged Bathsheba and Uriah, his ultimate crime was against God and His holy law." Hmmm.
Over the course of several remarkable days, I began to be bombarded with thoughts of my shame, and the need to be rid of it. In my weakness, I argued silently, and somewhat angrily that it was not worth addressing, that this was “between the Lord and me”. Surely others were not affected by it, as I did not allow it to impact my family, friends, and contacts. At one point I murmured David’s words (completely out of context, which I can be very good at!) to justify not dealing with getting my heart and head free of this emotional debris. Slowly, I began to grasp that the thing between David and God also stood between God & me. Sin. I didn’t need pity, I needed forgiveness.
The good news is…. The Good News! My savior died for me. He died that I might be reconciled to Him. He died to be the receptacle of the splinters of a fallen world that lodge in my flesh. “Cast your burden on Jesus, for He cares for you”. AMEN!
I was guilty of putting limitations on my God. I did not think it was worth His time to ask Him to help me fix this. I think that I didn’t think He could do it. I was guilty of minimizing His holiness. He has told me to “be Holy, for I am Holy.” Yet I did not repent of what was ultimately the sin of pride.
Psalm 51 has another, better revelation for me. In verse 6, David says of the Lord, “Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part you will make me to know wisdom.” Before Christ died, He said, “It is finished”. When we are sinned against, we must put aside any residual emotion that remains. Those emotions are nearly always for me, “the sin that so easily encumbers”. He died for the sin, and He died to grant freedom from the sin.
My shame was an outgrowth of a sinful, over-exaggerated opinion of myself. When last I looked, a slave of Christ doesn’t have a lot of time to spend getting upset over her perceived self-worth. I am grateful for this appointment with my Divine “Primary Care Physician”, and I pray that in the future, I will go more quickly to Him who heals and sets us free. Tweezers not required.
The wise shall inherit glory,
but SHAME shall be
the legacy of fools. Prov. 3:35
